February 28, 2005

An Ideal Waste of Time

So last night was Oscar night...woopie fucking ding! I was happy that Clint got Best Director. I haven't seen Million Dolllar Baby yet, but for some reason I just didn't want Scorsese to win. We all knew that Jamie Foxx was going to get the Best Actor award. As much as I wanted Johnny Depp to win, it was inevitable that Jamie Foxx would get it. I have hope for the future though. If Jeff Spicoli could finally get his Oscar then one day Edward Scissorhands will too.

I'm waiting for the day when a comic book movie gets nominated for an Oscar, for something other than sound or visual effects. Or maybe a sci-fi movie. I think it's about time that more these films get more than MTV Movie awards. Like, sure The Lord of the Rings is a fantasy movie, but it still doesn't count. It was obvious that it was going to rack up the awards once the trilogy was done. But I want Tobey Maguire to give a stellar performance in Spiderman 3. I want him to do something the academy can't ignore. Then they will ignore it and I'll have even more to bitch about. See, I have some long time plans for this whole thing.

They should give Sam Raimi a Best Director nomination. C'mon, the guy's doing great work. As far as I'm concerned it's just as good as Peter Jackson did. And you can't say that Jackson's better because he planned on doing all three movies and devoted his life to them, because Raimi knew he was going to do three movies from the start and it'll take him just as long to do all of them as it took for The Lord of the Rings to be made.(from pre-production of 1 to the release of 3)

But sadly Tobey and Sam won't get the recignition that they deserve. I think it'll be a while until any film such as Spiderman or one that's just plain entertaining even gets a nomination for something other than special effects. And I realize everyone already knows this already...but lets face the facts, it doesn't hurt to repeatedly bitch about things....and i had nothing better to talk about today.

Youngblood

February 25, 2005

Mommy, where do henchmen come from?

Over the last few days I've been watching quite a few "action packed thrill rides", and one thing just doesn't sit right with me. Where do they get these henchmen from? Do they have to apply for these jobs? Like, did Oddjob have to give Goldfinger a resumé? How did he find out about the position? Was there an add in the newspaper?

Wanted: Henchman needed to
protect diabolical genius bent
on world domination. Must
have special killing talent. For
more information call 555-5555
after 6 o'clock

Is that how these things work? What made them want to become henchmen anyway? When they were in school and the teacher asked them what they wanted to be when the grew up, they probabley didn't say, "I want to be a bodyguard for an evil warlord". These are just some of the things that kind of get me about the whole henchman thing.

What about the drones, like stormtroopers? What did the empire do for them when they died? I really don't think they had proper burials for them. Hell, they didn't even give Spock a proper burial they just shot him into space. Sure they said a few nice words about him, but do you really think that if that's all they did for Spock that they would do more for your average stormtrooper?

At this time I would probably inquire about who builds the hideouts, but if you want an answer to that question just watch Clerks. I could repeat the whole scene, but I really don't have that kind of time.


One last thing: do you think these guys have unions? There's enough of them, you'd think they'd at least try. These evil leaders have to have some kind of respect for their workers trying to stand up for their rights. I bet they at least have some kind of plan for glasses. It makes sense, because these evil leaders wouldn't want their workers to screw up some plan for world domination just because they couldn't tell the difference between a 3 and an 8. And besides these leaders must have some kind of compassion, it's not like they're Walmart or anything.

February 24, 2005

Nothing to talk about

First off I'd like to let Schmutzie know that the animated Mr. Bean is on CBC, so go hard.

So here I am, back at the place I like to call "square one". Believe it or not I have nothing to talk about today. I don't even have anything small to fill in for a day, like Friday's answer to that whole egg dilemma. I'm not taking this too hard though, it's not a tragedy that I have nothing to say, because tonight I'll probably end up writing a few entries like I usually do.

People always worry about not having anything to say. Like if they're out with someone and they have nothing to talk about. What's up with that? Like if they're on a date, and suddenly the conversation just stops. People tend to be distressed by those situations. I think it was put best in by Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction, "you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence." Whether it's someone you're in a relationship with or just a buddy or whatever, ain't it the truth? Why do you have to constantly be yammering away at someone, why can't you just shut the fuck up for a second? What's wrong with that? Sure, it's natural for people to want to be talking and be the center of attention, and have people listen to them no matter what stupid shit they have to say, but isn't it good sometimes just to listen to the silence rather than the sound of someone's voice? I don't know maybe it's just me. Or maybe it's me trying to make excuses for my poor conversation skills.

Wait a minute...I found something to talk about today...so today wasn't a complete write off after all...but does this contradict my whole argument? I'm going to say no, and the rest of you can discuss it amongst yourselves.


Youngblood

February 23, 2005

good old new stuff

So I noticed that they are making new episodes of Mr. Bean. I’m pretty happy about this, because I always kind of liked the show. What’s different this time around is that it’s a cartoon. Now I’m usually the type of guy that always says that the original better and the new version is crap but lately there have been a few shows that have proven me wrong. This new Mr. Bean is no exception. I think that the animated Bean might even be better. The show being a cartoon lets them do as much wacky shit as they want. Before, they always tried to do as much far out crazy shit as they could with the ability of Rowan Atkinson and the budget of the show. But now they can do things that they only dreamed about back then. Now if they want to but a big screen T.V. in Mr. Beans apartment all they have to do is draw it in, but before they had to have an actual T.V. Now they can do way more stuff with Bean. What I also find interesting is that they got Rowan Atkinson to do the voice. Anyone can do that voice. All he does is mumble and say a few words every once in while. But the fact that they got him to do it instead of some other guy shows that they creators really care about they authenticity of it all.

I give this new incarnation of Mr. Bean two thumbs up, and highly recommend it if you just want to shut your brain off for half an hour and have laugh.

Youngblood

February 22, 2005

When will the terror end?

Dammit I hate American Idol, and not just for the obvious reasons and the fact that it’s a tool of the Devil (to vote call 1-800-IDOL-666). What I’d like to see is someone go up there and sing Number of the Beast and dedicate it to Rupert Murdoch. The fact is that every station that airs the show has to rearrange their schedules around its time slots. What kind of a world are we living in when one television show controls an entire stations schedule just to suit FOX’s time slot?

One of the things that bothers me about this show is the judges. Who made these idiots the be-all, end-all; ultimate voice in what is good singing and what makes a star? What is their purpose past the second round? They don’t eliminate anyone anymore contestants. So why are they there? And why should Simon Cowell have the right to criticize the way people look or dress? The guy never changes his clothes! He wears the same thing every day!

What bothers me more though (and most) are these die hard fans of the show (Editors note: the word “die” can be replaced with “blow”. It doesn’t really matter which one you use). The stations may rearrange their schedules, but the majority of these people rearrange their lives to watch these fucking clownshoes belt out a tune that they would never listen to under any other circumstances even if their lives depended on it. They argue about which singer is best when in reality they don’t give a shit about them, and after the seasons over won’t ever buy the CD of the person who won, or even take the time to download any of the songs that they put out.

But I guess there’s nothing I can do about any of this. Who am I compared to a huge corporation like FOX or a legion of fans. I just like to keep this one little paranoia in mind though: with all these other Idols’s popping up all over the world pretty soon nothing will stop them. The rest of us will have to seek out another group to protect us and take them down. But who could take on a force such as Idol? We’ll need a force of equal or greater size, and there’s only one group that can muster that much power amongst them: Trekkies. That’s right, they’ll use their logic and Klingon battle techniques to bring down the Idol’s.

It’s kind of ironic that it is them who will save us all. I think it’s pretty cool of them though, considering that the majority of society shuns and makes fun of them, that they will come to our aid…just like the X-Men do! Does this mean that Trekkies and the X-Men are one in the same?…wait a minute, how did I get here?…what was I talking about again?…oh yeah……….(cough, cough) AMERICAN IDOL SUCKS!

Bring on the hate mail!

Youngblood

February 21, 2005

The Name Game

Any celebrity with the name Dick is asking for it. Do these people expect to be taken as serious actors with a name like that? That’s like being president and having the name Bush…oh wait, that’s happened twice already. Well what about colon…oh wait, never mind. Anyway what I’ve been trying to say is, what’s wrong with Richard? Why must they use Dick? Yeah sure it sounds funny at first, but it wears off. Does no one see this? Like, where are Dick Sargent and Dick York these days? (ok I admit they’re dead their, but what kind of careers did they have?)

Where did this whole Dick thing come from anyway? Who derived Dick from Richard? Well this guy didn’t do it but he has a good answer; Kris Novessellic once said “Rich is short for Richard, and Dick is short for Richard. So I guess that means if you’re Rich you’re a Dick.” (man, I love that quote) I think it goes back to King Richard (I don’t care which one just pick). Think about it, if the people hated him, then they’d start talking shit about him. They’d call him things like…oh I don’t know…maybe Dick. So eventually it caught on and anyone named Richard became Dick. Or maybe it started with them calling him Dickhead, and as time went on people got lazier and just cut it down to Dick.

Now these explanations of the origin of Dick probably aren’t true, but lets just go with them. And while were playing the name game I say we make a few more changes. I propose that we start calling any one with the name Bush, Pussy, and anyone named Colon, Asshole.

Youngblood

February 18, 2005

The answer to the question people stop carring about a long time ago

It has recently been brought to my attention that the egg did in fact come before the chicken and I’m quite disappointed with my self that I did not think of this before. It is obvious that the egg came first because the dinosaurs were here way before the chickens were and they were of the egg laying kind weren’t they? Ah ha! The mystery has been solved and now everyone can just shut the fuck up about it already!

I would like to thank the most Pist man in the land for bringing this to my attention.

Youngblood

February 17, 2005

The Wide World of Sports....actually just hockey

So the NHLPA made an offer for a salary cap. $49 million per team. Sounds pretty good to me, but the NHL didn’t think so. Personally I have mixed feelings about this whole situation.

I really don’t (and can’t) sympathize with the players. That’s for sure. But I don’t blame them for what’s going on. Sure you can look at the players and say, “Oh what $10 million a year isn’t good enough?” But you have to look at it this way: the players didn’t offer themselves those high salaries, the owners did. So it’s the owners that got themselves into this mess in the first place, so even though I said I don’t (and can’t) sympathize with the players, they aren’t the ones to blame; the owners are along with another man: Garry Bettman.

The NHL got Bettman to be commissioner to do one thing: get a salary cap. When did they get him, like a decade ago? Good job Garry, you’re doing great work (ya fucking wanker)! If it weren’t for ol’Garry there, this wouldn’t be happening. It was his idea to expand the league in the Southern American sunbelt, and getting all these other teams like Nashville and Carolina. By doing so he thinned out the talent, and made people less interested in the game. That in turn reduced ticket sales, which led to ticket prices going up to compensate for the losses. The new rise in ticket prices led to even more people turning away from going to games. Which led to the owners not having any money. So they think that the way to go is to get a salary cap! Ya lets give our players all these high contracts and them tell them “Oh sorry we want to cut your pay.”

The players were even willing to take a pay cut as early as November. They offered to take a 24% pay cut. I don’t care who you are and what you make, a 24%cut in pay is a lot. But no, that wasn’t good enough for Garry and the gang. So the players said they’d take a cap of $52 million per team, then went down to $49 million. The players are the ones stepping up and are willing to admitting to defeat, but apparently that still isn’t good enough.

So now there’s not going to be a season, and that just proves what Garry Bettman doesn’t can about: the fans. If he really loved the fans like he says he does he wouldn’t have turned down the last offer made by the NHLPA. I think all the fans want is watch the game again, and ya a salary cap would be nice, so take it already! I hope they do end up at a salary cap soon, and not just so there’ll be a season next year, but because that’s why they hired Bettman for in the first place. And once they have their salary cap, then Bettman will be useless; he will have served his purpose. And what do you do with something useless? You get rid of it. So maybe after all this is over and Gary has no more use to the league, maybe they’ll hire someone with…oh I don’t know…prior knowledge of the game and how it’s played. That’s usually what you do isn’t it? But then again, I’m just a fan, and apparently the way Gary sees it, I don’t matter.

Youngblood

February 16, 2005

You thought yesterday's post was wierd?...fasten your seatbelts kiddies 'cause you ain't seen nothing yet

I wonder if ZZ Top will ever shave off their beards and donate them to the cancer society to be turned into a wig? Can you even do that with beard hair? You should be able to. It’s not like its pubic hair or anything. Wouldn’t that be something to have a pubic hair wig? Like, it would be totally gross, but maybe to some that would be something to brag about. Those would have to be some long pubes though. But maybe they’d make an exception in those cases. Like maybe they’d combine all the hair they collect and keep adding it on like extensions. But wouldn’t that be worse? Like, it’s bad enough that you’d have one guy’s pubes on your head and whole bunch of peoples would be even worse don’t you think. Maybe they’d combine all different kinds of hair for these cases. Pubes, beards, backs, the whole works! That’s still disgusting though. But there was that one guy on Ripley’s who could braid his back hair {shudders}. Maybe that guy’s hair would be long enough by itself to make a wig. It would be better than having someone’s pubes on your head, don’t you think….what the hell am I talking about?…I’m going to turn my brain back on…

Youngblood

February 15, 2005

And now for something completely different......

Is it just me, isn’t it just a great feeling of relief after you take a big dump,?

Now I know what your all think. It’s either “what the fuck is next” or “I think I’ll skip today’s post”. But seriously for second, to all of you who were somehow offended by that comment, or grossed out in some why or another I say this: SUCK IT UP! Whenever someone says something a about taking a crap or mentions the subject in some way, people automatically tell that guy to shut up or that they’re gross. To these people I just want to them to ask themselves what they’d think of a comment like that if they were in the time of the plague.

Seriously, imagine if you could go back to pre-indoor plumbing days. Do you think a little comment about crap would bother you? Hell no, because it was everywhere. I bet it was dinner table conversation. You have to remember that people back in the day weren’t all Shakespeare-like and proper like some would have you believe. I’d bet that crap was an everyday topic of conversation. Hell I’d bet they had scientists studying crap (you know…like ways of getting it out of the streets). If you were back in those days you’d probably step in it 4-5 times a day. Between horses and people emptying their chamber pots you’d have some pretty shitty shoes on your hands.

Granted, these were the reasons for the plague…but even so. People are way to uptight about these things. I’d bet the guy who’s got the best sense of humour about the subject is a septic truck driver. How could someone’s comment about taking a crap offend him? It couldn’t, it’s that simple. So with that in mind maybe all start hanging out with those guys, they’ll get my jokes and tell me some of theirs. But then again I’ll stink like shit being around them to long…maybe I should rethink this whole situation. No…I’ll just stay away from the septic guys and keep offending people. Because hey, lets face it, it’s one thing to talk about shit; people can get past that because you have to shut up sometime. But it’s a total other thing to go around smelling like it…that’s just gross…who could do that? (I don't know how the Poopsmith does it)

Youngblood

February 14, 2005

The Return of the King

When the Queen dies who’s going to be in our money? The next King; and who’s going to be the next King? Prince William, that’s who. So then after he’s put on our money, instead of saying, “hey give me a twenty” you’ll say “hey give me a Bill” (get it?).

What’s the world going to be like after old Liz kicks the bucket? Total chaos that’s what! Actually I don’t know. I couldn’t even start thinking about any kind of close estimate of what it would be like. Hypothetically speaking of course, what if she went tomorrow? What would be first, the coronation of the new King or the funeral of the Queen? Does it matter? I think Willy would want to wait until after the funeral to do it. You know give himself time to grieve. But even if he wanted to wait a little bit, there would probably be some British jerkoffs that would rush everything. Now I’m not the kind of guy that usually feels sorry for the rich (and in this case uber-rich), but I’m not heartless and do recognize that his grandma died, and I’d give him all the time he wanted, and I’m sure you would to. But like I said: BRITISH JERKOFFS! They’re everywhere.

I kind of feel sorry for the guy. I know it’s hard for an everyday guy like me (and all of you for that matter) to sympathize with the future King of England, but people are going to try to take advantage of the guy. Who knows, maybe Prince Chuck is going to try play puppet master to his son or maybe his brother will become vengeful and plot an assassination attempt. It could happen. But who knows, maybe old Billy there will be a shitty king. Maybe he’ll borrow the guillotine from the French, then where will we be? In that case I think he should be stopped. But we can’t jump to conclusions, we don’t know what he has planned, do we? All I’m saying is that the people should just be ready for anything.

So here’s what I propose: don’t pay any attention to the situation at all, unless you live in England. What’s he going to do? Once the heads start rolling the whole world will want him gone. They’ll take care of him. Hell, we can tell G.W. that there’s oil there and then suddenly there'll be reports that he’s funding terrorist groups and in no time he’ll be gone. That way everyone’s happy George will be able to start a new war, Micheal Moore will make a new movie about it, and Prince Harry will become King. Everybody wins! (Except Prince William who'll be sharing a cell with Saddam)

Youngblood

February 11, 2005

Fonzie, Astroboy and Spiderman walk into a bar.....

Correct me if I’m wrong: But was Fonzie not the biggest pervert in the world? Everyone wanted to be like The Fonz. Why? He was a pervert! Why was this character so popular? Because he wore a leather jacket and was “cool”? Yeah sure you can wear all the black leather jackets you want and put as much grease in your hair as you want, but to quote The Wedding Singer “no one wants to see a fifty-year-old guy hitting on chicks”.

It’s the little things like that on television that get looked over by the FCC and other similar groups. Sure everyone thought that Power Rangers was violent, but did anyone ever pay any attention to shows like, oh I don’t know, Astroboy? Now if that’s not one twisted concept I don’t know what is. Wasn’t it kind of morbid when the scientist creates Astroboy in the image of his dead son? What kind of message is this sending to kids? That if someone or something you love dies you can just create a robot in their place? No! That’s terrible! Who came up with this horrible premise?

If the FCC and all these morality groups are trying to protect the children, they should stop worrying about some chick’s boob and start looking at what the kids are watching. They look at shows like Astroboy and say, “Oh that little robot boy is so cute” and don’t even know how that little robot boy came to be. The Spiderman movies are another thing that I can’t wrap my mind around, and as much as I enjoy those two films, it boggles my mind how some morality group has not attacked them. We may not know who the next villain will be or what the story of the next movie is, but there is one thing we do know: at some point Kirsten Dunst is going to get soaking wet while wearing a paper thin shirt and from the looks of things it’ll probably be pretty cold out too (hint, hint). What’s worse to these people, seeing Janet Jackson’s boob for all of two seconds or seeing Kirsten’s nipples through a tiny layer of cloth for an entire scene. Obviously Janet’s little outing must be the worse because no one’s seemed to mention Kirsten’s wet t-shirt contest.

As the Fonze proves these morality groups, which have been in existence for years, obviously don’t really pay attention to what’s actually going on, on the screen. The fact that this is still going on doesn’t really surprise me though. People are always saying, “look what we’ve accomplished in the past 50 years”, and yeah technology has come far, but as far as the human thinking is concerned, the majority of the human race is still in 1965.

Youngblood

February 10, 2005

What If?...

At one time there was a comic book published by Marvel Comics called What If?. I say “at one time” because as far as I know it was cancelled a long time ago. It was a gateway into an alternate “comic” universe. One example is: What if…Wolverine met Tarzan. That was an actual issue, sounds pretty dumb doesn’t it. Then again Detective Comics wasn’t much better (i.e. Superman v.s. He-Man). So were these comics of any use at all? Yes and no.

No they weren’t in the sense that none of these issues played any part in any actual storyline in Marvel Comics history. They seemed to exist out of that universe. A lot of people saw them as useless. Some saw it as just an excuse to use the character of The Watcher. Others were a combination of the two.

Then you have the people that did like them, and liked them a lot. These people are what I like to call Fanboys. The way I see it, the people who really liked them, and I mean really liked them (not just picked up an issue every once in awhile) are the same kind of people you find posting on internet message boards trying to guess who the next villain will be in Spiderman 3. This book was their dream come true or their worst nightmare. This is because they always are trying to say what should have happened, and guess what would have happened if…yadda, yadda, yadda. These books could prove or disprove their theories and make them the kings or queens of their respective nerd groups. (now I’m not nerd bashing, I am a nerd, but come on have you ever read any of those internet message boards? Come on man!)

So that’s it. Now, as far as I see it, that comic sucked, it was useless. But hey what do I know, nothing, because according to all those message boards, I'm way off on who the next Spiderman villain is.

Youngblood

February 09, 2005

Opposites

They say that for every action there’s a reaction, for every positive there’s a negative, and everything has an opposite. I really don’t believe that this last one is true. I don’t think every thing has an opposite. What’s the opposite of toilet paper? Sink paper? No such thing. So that automatically disproves that theory. If that’s not good enough for you, well then what’s the opposite of taking a piss? One might argue that it’s taking a shit. That person would be wrong. For you to do the opposite of taking a piss you’d have to cram your pee back in, and even if you managed somehow to get it back in, it would just come back out again anyway and in the end be pointless. So ya technically there might an opposite of taking a piss but it’s pretty pointless. So you got me there on a technicality (you anal retentive bastards). Fine here’s another one: black and white might be opposites, but what’s the opposite of indigo? Beige? There isn’t one as far as I’m concerned. SO THERE!…what the hell am I talking about….I’m going to make a sandwich….

February 08, 2005

A quick little ditty...

Today’s post is going to be a short and possibly inspirational one.

Here’s what I don’t get: Why is Plan 9 from outer Space considered the worst movie of all time? That’s not even Ed Wood’s worst movie. Has every one forgotten about Glen or Glenda? Now that’s the worst movie of all time! I couldn’t even follow it. The only reason I knew what was going on was because I watched Ed Wood. But that brings me to my point, which is: Ed didn’t know he was making crap. He just was. But he was proud of every frame that he shot and in his mind those films to him we masterpieces.

So to all of you struggling artists out there, don’t let people tell you your work is crap. Who knows it very well could be crap, but if you are proud of something you have created don’t let the man bring you down. Let’s not forget that Citizen Kane, which is supposed to be the greatest film of all time, was shit on by critics when it was first released. So just give it time and hopefully your work will get the recognition it deserves and don't be too quick to succumb to your critics opinions.
Youngblood

February 07, 2005

The Hierarchy of Puppet Land

So here we are, back inside my crazy, messed up head. Sorry you had to pay admission, but my thoughts don’t come cheap you know.

There’s always been something that’s bothered me about sock puppets. It seems to me that in the puppet world the sock puppet would be on the bottom rung of society, even lower than the ventriloquist dummy. Now that just isn’t right. Look at them, they’ve got the word “dum” in their name (I am aware that it’s actually spelled dumb, just go with it). Sure, it takes a lot more time to put together a ventriloquist dummy than a sock puppet, but still…DUM! Does no one see the logic!

I think if there was some sort of hierarchy in the puppet world I think it would go:

1. Muppets
2. Marionettes
3. Ventriloquist dummies
4. Sock puppets

Now I’m sure there are more than just four types of puppets but I think they all can fit into these basic categories. So with that I come back to my original query, why is the sock puppet at the bottom of the barrel? It serves a purpose just as much as all the others do, doesn’t it (accept Muppets, because lets not forget what Yoda truly is)?

So here I am asking all of you to help out the sock puppets. Sure they’re not very technically advanced, as a matter of fact their really quite primitive. But they deserve a chance to prove themselves. It’s not their fault that the Muppets and Marionettes are designed better than them. That’s like ragging on a kid that has to wear a helmet, it’s not his/her fault they have to wear it, they just do!

So the next time you see a sock puppet sitting in the gutter begging for change because some dummy stole his act, give it a buck, or better yet take it home with you and try to help it out. Help it get back on its feet; throw it in the wash; introduce it to your other socks; and help it promote a new act. This whole endeavor is completely risk free for you, because if you get tired of it or it starts pissing you off, you can make it “mysteriously disappear” like so many other socks have done in the past. And if that doesn’t work, just throw it back in the gutter. What’s it going to do? It’s just a sock.

Youngblood

February 04, 2005

Adventures in eBay!

I was looking around eBay the other day and I realized something: I had some really cool action figures when I was growing up. I never really thought about it back then. But now that I look at the toys that I once had I wish I would have never sold them all at that garage sale all those years ago. But I didn't sell all of them, I held onto a few. The He-man ones, any super heroes, and for some reason I still have that alligator from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But after this recent trip to eBay I really wish I had held onto those Ghostbusters, and TMNT toys you know seeing how I'm a huge nerd and love all that stuff. Ah what a sad state of affairs.

I also realized the insane amount of money that my parents spent on me. And those are just my toys, never mind clothes and whatnot. Actually, now that I think about it, I was pretty dam spoiled. So what I say to all of you who read this is, take out your old toys and check them out. Who knows you might find it kind of fun. And while you're at it, play any old video games systems that be sitting in your closet, they're still fun. Put them to use just one more time, someone bought them for a reason, so use them. Recapture the inner child in yourself, because it's still in their somewhere.


Youngblood

February 03, 2005

I'll give you a topic....Discuss....

First off I'd like to thank my buddy Tony for advertising me on his blog, so I'll do the same for him on mine. Go check it out, his is what made me start this thing.

Now onto the ramdom bullshit!


As you have probably already noticed, sometimes the things I say make it seem like I’m dead from the neck up. Today is one of those days!

It crossed my mind today that I have never seen a monkey, wearing a cowboy hat, while riding a pony. I’m really kind of disappointed in myself that I have never seen such a thing. The fact that I haven’t even tried to find it is disappointing. Look at it this way: I love monkeys; ponies can’t be all bad, they let those dirty little Hobbits ride them; cowboy hats are cool; and who wouldn’t want to see such a thing? I wonder if they have them at any circuses? I’ve only been to one, and even though I was only like 10 and can’t really remember it that well, I’m pretty sure there weren’t any. I do remember something about a bear and a giraffe though…


But wouldn’t that be cruel to capture a monkey and make him do those kinds of things? Isn’t that cruelty towards animals? Not if you find it in the wild doing these things naturally. That’s what I intend to do! As I type this I am planning a trip to the Amazon in order to find such an eventuality (now that’s multi-tasking). I promise that I will find a monkey, wearing a cowboy hat, riding a pony! All I need is some sucker to go along with me and carry all my shit. I plan on documenting the entire expedition, and turning it into a special for the Discovery Channel. In the slim chance that I do not find such a phenomenon, I’ll edit it, make the sucker that carries my shit look like the idiot (a la I’m with Busey), add a laugh track, and sell it to the Comedy Network. (Those guys will show anything)

Youngblood

February 01, 2005

Prequels, sequels and other and other crap that Hollywood wants you to think is good

I don't know about you but I'm getting pretty dam sick of all these prequels being put out and planned. Why do these studios feel the need to give us all these extra little stories that don't matter? There's one big fat reason why and I'll get to that, but first take for example the cash cow that is Star Wars.

I loved these movies(the original trilogy that is) and George Lucas destroyed the whole thing for me. Granted, I still do watch the originals every once in a while, but one day those tapes will wear out and I'll have to by them on DVD, and Lucas added and changed too much shit on those DVD's that I refuse to watch them....Sorry I got kind of carried away there....Anyway, what was I talking about?...Oh ya the Star Wars prequels. They suck! Did we really need to know where Darth Vader came from! Maybe instead of prequels make more sequels that explain his past, while still continuing the saga, then go back and make the bloody sequels. No, George Lucas can't do that. That would've been smart and the better thing to do. And I don't care what anyone says Yoda and the lightsaber was STUPID! Yoda's a Muppet not a computer animated character. It looked horrible, didn't make sense, and it was at that point that I realized that this film had no redeeming qualities to it. But it still brought in the $$$.

Now onto other subjects, such as sequels. There are very few sequels that are good: Godfather 2&3(I don't care what anyone says the 3rd one still got 41/2 stars. Oh darn it didn't get 5. Oh that must mean it sucked); Back to the Future 2&3; and Spiderman 2 just to name a few. They prove that it is possible to make a good sequel. So with that I mind, why do these company's continue to keep pumping out so many of these crappy sequels and so few good ones? $$$CASH$$$. It's all about the Benjamin's isn't it? That's what they think at least. So they bombard us with this crap and call them "ACTION PACKED THRILL RIDES", when in reality they're about as exciting as the merry-go-round at any local fair.(He-yuk!) Has everyone forgotten the phrase "quality over quantity"? And if you think I'm full of it, just watch Jaws 3, Rocky 5, and The Matrix Revolutions. Prove me wrong!

Next on the chopping block, SPINOFFS! To be perfectly honest the only reason I'm talking about spinoffs is so I can have an excuse to badmouth Electra. Now I know I haven't seen it, so call me a hypocrite, but didn't she die in Daredevil? Oh wait that's right she didn't die, because she might have lost a lot of blood but there's still money to be sucked out of her.

Now I'm not saying don't watch sequels, prequels, or spinoffs because there are some that are good. Like I pointed out there are good sequels, I do have a favorite prequel(Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom), and spinoffs aren't all bad. All I'm saying is don't expect much going in, especially depending on the franchise(Resident Evil: Apocalypse). And If you are a fan of these "ACTION PACKED THRILL RIDES" I speak of...then may God have mercy on your soul. (just kidding)

So I guess what I 'm saying is that the only reason sequels/prequels/spinoffs get put out is more for money reather than the filmmakers vision. But of course you all knew that already. So then why am I typing this? I dunno....I'm going to make a sandwich...

Youngblood

Sisko VS Janeway: Winner take nothing

Now everyone always compares Captain Kirk and Captain Picard. It's been done to death. But what about Sisko and Janeway, they're the two Captains that people forget about(and yes I am deliberately leaving out Captain Archer from Enterprise). They were good, weren't they? They both had their moments in the sun. But which one was better? That's what I intend to find out.

Round 1
They both had great things about them that set each other apart and they made their mark in Star Trek history. Sisko was the first African-American to be the main Captain on the show (other Captains would just kind of pop up every once in while). While Janeway on the other hand was the first woman to do so. Both are landmark features about each character.

I think I have to call this one for Janeway, because for some reason I have this feeling that even in the future women still will be fighting for equal rights. It's hard to think that the African American people will still be discriminated against seeing how they let those bloody Kilingons into Starfleet.

Round 2
As far as their adventures are concerned they both had some pretty nasty shit to deal with. Janeway had the responsibility of getting her crew home. She had to get them across an entire quadrant that they new nothing about. Now that's some pretty daring shit! She would repeatedly put herself on the line for the sake of her crew, and continued to do so even after she got them home(give it up or time travel everyone. That's some good stuff. I'll accept its award on its behalf.). Not to mention the fact that she kicked the Borg's ass, and maybe even totally wiped them out(they weren't clear if that's what happened or not so I'm saying it's a maybe).

Sisko on the other hand also had a lot to deal with. Not only was he the Emissary for the Bajoran Prophets, and discovered the wormhole to the Gamma Quadrant, he was on the front lines of a fucking war! That's some serious shit. Where was Janeway when this was going on? She was on a booze cruise across the Delta Quadrant (granted she had her own shit to deal with, but there were times when they wouldn't do anything for months).

This round I have to award to Sisko. Even though Janeway kicked the Borg's ass, she got some breaks every once in a while. Sisko was always on the go. He always had shit to do.

Round 3
Here it is, the 3rd and final round, let's look at some individual things they did.

As I mentioned before; Janeway kicked Borg ass, captured a Borg, helped bring the Q Continuum into balance and sacrificed her life to get her crew home. Pretty good resumé I must say.

Now for Sisko. He also sacrificed his own life, in his case to kill Gul Dukat and protect the Bajoran people. He reopened the wormhole when it was thought to be closed for good, and he got to meet Kirk and brought back some tribbles with him. Not too shabby.

It was a tough choice but I have to give it to Janeway. She went after the Borg and no one else would.

So there you have it! By the power of deduction Janeway has been crowned the better Captain. And her prize is....NOTHING. Sorry Cap, but even though you won this one you still don't stand a chance against Kirk or Picard.

Youngblood