1.NASA bombing the moon
I'm sure by now most of you know that this past October, NASA bombed the moon. Sounds ridiculous right? Well as ridiculous as it may sound to us folks NASA didn't think so. They thought that if they fired a missile at the moon in just the right spot they would find water vapor. Well their curiosity paid off and sure enough they found what they were looking for. Does it make it sound any less ridiculous? No. But hey! They found water vapor! You know what that means don't you? Newly available beach front property! Vacations to the moon!!!!!
But lets get realistic here. We really know what this is all about. They (and we all know who "They" are, but for those of you that are somewhat confused, "They" are often referred to as "Them" in addition to "They", sometimes also known as Board of Shadowy Figures) are just there to exploit this natural resource of the moon. They are going to exploit it and the creatures that live off of this vapor who live in the currently unbombed parts of moon will suffer. An artist's conception has figured that these creatures probably look something like this:
It all reminds me of another certain moon dwelling species whose home was exploited: the ewoks. And what happened in the end there? The rest of the galaxy responded and those who were doing the exploiting got their fucking house blown up. Personally, I like my house intact as opposed to blown up. So, please NASA and They, please don't get our house blown up. Let's leave the little moon-dwelling crab things alone, and not piss off the rest of the universe.2. Norway's missile attack on the negaverse (and not the negaverse from Darkwing Duck or Sailor Moon, the real negaverse. Those are just cartoons, this is reality)
In December (this month for those of you keeping score at home), a spiraling vortex was seen over Norway in the night sky. If you haven't seen it yet, here's a peak:
Some say that it could be a comet or a Russian missile test. Russia denied reports of the test only to say that it actually was them after all (and not them "Them" or them "They", but them Russians) which leads to the only plausible conclusion: They (as in the "They") are using Russia to distract from the fact that They are firing missiles into the negaverse. When the rest of the universe hears about this, if they already haven't, they (not the "They" but just they) are going to be pissed. The negaverse did nothing to no one, and now They are suddenly declaring war on the peaceful negaversians. The negaversians just sit and mind their own negabusiness and leave us alone. I guess that's what makes them our negaverse. We conduct missile attacks and they kick back, hang out, and leave every one alone. Yup, the rest of the universe is going to be really pissed at us for this one.
Honestly though, if the Mayans were right the universe won't have to worry about that first awkward meeting. Come 2012, we'll be gone and the rest of the universe will be happy. Sure the negaverse will have some cleaning up to do. I'm sure They will manage to do Their fair share of damage to them in the next few years. But it will be a small price to pay to have us off their hands. To the rest of the universe we're probably like that cousin you only see every 10 years or so, and it's always 10 years too soon. He always just shows up, wrecks your shit, and them fucks off leaving You with crap to clean up. But when he's finally gone you can breath a sigh of relief and take comfort in the fact that it'll be a long time until you see him again.
