Alice in Burton-land

So Tim Burton's is making a new Alice in Wonderland movie. Unsurprisingly Johnny Depp is in it too. I'm sure this makes some people happy, and will cause a large contingent of people to simultaneously crap and cream their pants, but do you know what I think? FUCK TIM BURTON! That's right I said it! Fuck Tim Burton. While I'm pissing people off, I'm going to go right ahead and say fuck Johnny Depp too, he's guilty by association!

I used to get excited about Tim Burton and Johnny Depp doing a movie together. It was something special. But now it's at to the point where they've just been making the same movie over and over and over again. But, before everyone gets their panties in a twist, I don't mean the same movie storywise, I mean visually. It's gotten to the point where I'd rather see a sequel to Planet of the Apes and find out what the ape-Lincoln was all about than watch another outing from the Burton/Depp brigade. I can already tell you that at some point Helena Bohnam Carter's going to show up and have crazy hair and crack-eyes, and so will Depp. There won't be a single leaf on any of the crazy, twisted trees, and the sky will be perpetually dark and gloomy, and the sun will only shine at the end of the movie...maybe.

It's not that I'm accusing Timmy of having no talent, because he very much does. I loved Big Fish. That movie was awesome. While it still felt like a Tim Burton movie, at the same time it was very un-Tim Burton. It was a breath of fresh air. I even enjoyed Corpse Bride, however, it did have the same visual style (crazy trees, perpetually gloomy, no sun, blah, blah, blah), and a disappointing storyline, I was too busy busting a nut over the animation to care when I first watched it. But if you take Corpse Bride's visual style and combine it with Sleepy Hollow, chucks of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Sweeny Todd - - - - excuse me while I go puke all over myself...there we go. That's the ticket....moving right along - - - - if you combine these movies you have just what I created: a big pile of puke. There are chunks that can be distinguished from other chucks but in the end its all the same pile of puke.

Like I said earlier Timmy-boy has talent, and this whole dark and gloomy style isn't something new, he's been using it all his career, back when he made Vincent when he was working for Disney. However, as far as I'm concerned he's not using his talent and he's slapping a lot of his fans (or probably more accurately, now ex-fans) in the face. Now, I'm about to use a word that I really don't like to use unless absolutely necessary, but I can't think of any other way to properly express myself. Here goes:

Tim Burton is a SELLOUT.

There I said it. If you plan on waiting for me in a dark ally to shank me please make it quick, and if you're now making your way up to a bell tower to give me the surprise of my life, please take some practice shots first and get the job done right to save me a costly ambulance ride.

But the fact is, he has sold out. He could use his creativity and make something new and fresh and astound his fans, yet he persists to go for the payday. He knows (and so does Depp) that if he sticks to his same old style there will be a big fat paycheck in it for him, and Johnny. They know that there will always be some fanboys and girls out there who will be ready to soak their pants on command just so they can get their payday, but you can count me out.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm totally going to boycott this new Alice in Wonderland. No, I'm not one of those fanboys who makes it his personal mission in life to rob some director of their hard earned 10 bucks. There's probably about a 99% chance that I'll see it in its first run in the theaters, and that's for two reasons. 1) Because if I'm going to continue this rant against Burton for years to come, I need to have viewed the material. I'm not that ignorant. 2) I actually hope that Burton proves me wrong and really does do something that I like, and not exactly what I'm expecting.