Ever since Saskatchewan put the smoking ban into place, I have found that a new title has been placed upon me: The Beer Watcher. Being the non-smoker in the group, I have been appointed to watch over everyone’s drinks as they all go outside for a cigarette. It may not be the most glamorous or rewarding job but…as a matter, I don’t get anything for it. So then why do I do it? Suppose it is rewarding in way. I make sure that no one’s beer I stolen or taken away because the waitress thinks they left, and I make sure no one takes our table. Yeah, I guess it is kind of rewarding in the long run. I’m guess you could say that I’m doing a good deed for my friends.
But it does get lonely. I do get left alone a lot, while the rest of the group goes outside. Yeah sure, it might be cold for them but at least they’re all there. Who do I have? No one, that’s who! All I’m left with is my thoughts, hence how this article came to be. I think it’s time I do something about this. Let’s face it, if I don’t do something about this it’ll get out of hand.
So here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to get together a whole group of people who are in just the same situation I am, and one by one we’ll invite all our friends out with us. Then every once-in-awhile we’ll all just get up and leave, for no particular reason, and leave the one person who smokes all by themselves. Then they’ll no how it feels. Better yet they’ll have to go out for a smoke by themselves too. It’s a double whammy!
So, to all of the Beer Watchers out there reading this don’t despair, you’re not alone. There are others like you out there, and one day all the Beer Watchers of the world shall unite and then nothing will stop us. But until that day comes, and if you are feeling vengeful, sometime when everyone goes out side just drink all their beer. You’ll have to do it fast, so if you plan on doing this you’ll have to train for a while. But you’ll show them who’s boss. And if they give you shit for drinking all their beer, just tell them it’s a long overdue payment. And if that doesn’t work just tell them that you’re drunk and don’t know better, that you thought it was your beer. If these tactics don’t work there’s only one thing left to do: pretend to pass out. Or better yet do it for real, because depending on how much you had to guzzle back in such a short time, you’ll probably be pretty hammered. Either way it works against them, because a) they’ll have to haul your drunk ass out of the bar and b) there won’t be anyone left to watch their drinks. Suckers!
Youngblood
3 comments:
I have yet to figure out why smokers can't smoke by themselves, it's ridiculous.....and for the record (use this in court if you ever need to..)i ALWAYS feel like a shit leaving someone at a table by themselves, whether i am smoking or just going to urinate.
I apologize on behalf of smokers everywhere. No for real, I do. I never realized how stupid we were.
Right on Tony! Being a smoker, I fucking totally agree.
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