Life's great mysteries

Show of hands: who thinks that the sasquatch exists? Ok, now who thinks that there’s intelligent life on other planets? Alright, now who believes in ghosts (and I don’t man Patrick Swayze)? The results are kind of what I figured they’d be. Personally I do think that life exists on other planets; I do believe in ghosts (just look at the house I grew up in and you’ll know why); but the whole sasquatch business is what I’m not convinced about. I think it’s just some hairy guy. If you don’t think a guy can be that hairy just watch some of those late night infomercials. But those infomercials also prove that, that hair can be easily removed. Think about it: the only proof is that old footage of it stepping over a log, then no one saw it ever again. You know why? Because it shaved that’s why! Everyone’s looking around all these islands for some big hairy monster, but time and time again all they keep finding is some tall clean-shaven motherfucker. That was its plan all along: grow a lot of hair then when you get spotted shave it off and laugh at all those conspiracy nuts.

What really bothers me though is this whole Loch Ness Monster thing. How hard could it be to find it? It’s in a lake; they know which lake it is, just search underwater! Get some scuba gear, maybe a submarine! You should be able to spot the damn thing if it’s as big as they say it is. Quit just standing on shore with binoculars and go for a swim! Are they afraid of being eaten by the damn thing? Bunch of morons they are. All these “scientists” that are spending all this time trying to find this stupid thing should spend some time trying to solve life’s greatest mystery: Why the hell do they call him Silent Bob?

Youngblood